Saturday, May 30, 2009

empty

she is gone.

Her face is white, waxy - still. My eyes keep coming back to it, looking for movement, the hundred and one little clues that we use to read the person inside. She's not there, of course.

But I'm still looking. The brain knows, the heart has begun to mourn, but the eyes are stubborn, holding their picket line with the corner of my self that is stomping it's foot and looking mutinous. A moment for inner toddlerism, a deep breath and I follow her bed downstairs to where the chevra kaddisha is waiting.

she is gone.

9 comments:

Jen said...

Well. Baruch dayan emet. It's what you flew there for: to say goodbye, to help her die, and I'm sure your presence --photographs, fingers, face-- in fact eased her passing, even once she was no longer apparently aware of your family's presence. I'll repeat what I said in error last week, now accurately: may your family be spared further grief and suffering for a long time to come.

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry.

dykewife said...

i'm sorry for your loss :(

Allergy Mom said...

I'm so very sorry.

Abacaxi Mamao said...

I'm so sorry for your loss, but so glad for you and for her that you were able to be there with her.

Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry. It's difficult to lose someone so very special. I'm glad you were able to be there with her and the rest of your family. I'm sending you lots of love and hugs....
Alison

AidelMaidel said...

Baruch Dayan Emes.

Hamokom Yenachem eschem Besoch Shaar Avaylay Tzion VeYerushalayim. Vehukeetzu Veranenu Shochnay Ufur vehee besochom.

I am so sorry for your loss. I'm here if you need a friend; I lost my own beloved grandmother several years ago.

Sending you hugs.

Lois Grebowski said...

I'm sorry for your loss... Sending Hugs, thoughts and prayers your way.

Peace be with you and your family.

Auntie A said...

Baruch dayan emet. I'm so sorry for your and your family's loss, but glad that you were able to be there. Please pass along my condolences and hugs to whoever you can. (And of course take a large helping for yourself!)

Sending love and good thoughts to you and yours.