Oh, my God, I'm leaving them.
I'm packing, I'm baking bread at a tremendous rate (FYI, best version of the Minion Bread yet! I updated the recipe here), I'm picking out non-modestly lactating clothes, I'm trying to remember if I've ever owned foundation (or base? is there a difference?), and do I have nice heels that go with the $27 dress that the bride thoughtfully helped me find?
Dear God, I'm leaving them behind. All of them. If they have a Y-chromosome, they're not getting on the plane with me, they will not pass security, they will not collect $200. I want to cry. I want to dance. I want to go nurse the Toddles. What if he weans while I'm gone? I'm not ready, I'm not I'm not I'm not. I have never done this before.
Too boost my spirits, the Man is sending me helpfully upbeat emails, such as the following:
I'm going to have my [insert corporate-speak for meeting here] on the Monday that you return (presumably, if the boys have me tied down and revolving over a spit, I will be allowed to push this off).
and clarifying matters for a friend here:
The Wife is heading out of town this weekend, leaving me and the boys. My plan was to allow the Eldest to roast me, slowly, on a spit, while the Toddles says things like "Daddy! Hot! Wshhhhht!" If I haven't gone mental by Sunday morning...well.
and finally breaking into song here:
(to the tune of O Come All Ye Faithful)
Boist'rous and exub'rant
Oh trash ye, oh trash ye the
Don't wreck my study
Or there will be heck to pay
And don't truss up your daddy
Oh don't truss up your daddy
Please don't truss up your daddy
E'en if your bored.
Yup. Feeling secure, confident and reassurred. But gonna trust the Man and leave anyway. With, mind you, lots of cooked food and bread...
Mama's Outta Town Shawarma
1 roasted turkey breast, leftover, sliced into strips
1/4 cup oil
1/2 to 1 tsp ground cumin
1/2 to 1 tsp ground coriander
Heat oil, add turkey. Sautee briefly, then add spices. Serve hot, with a cold salad (I like an Israeli-style salad of chunked tomatoes, cucumbers, scallions/red onion with a lemon juice/oil/salt/pepper dressing. Add crisp apples to dress it up, if you like, a few sprigs of mint). Couscous would be great if you do gluten, otherwise rice.
For the traditionalists: consider a large lettuce leaf. Use it for making shawarma rolls!