Friday, February 18, 2011

the cross-examination

Describe your child, his/her personality, strengths, challenges, hobbies, traits and characteristics. 

[what? did the kid need a resume, too?]

Dear people with the power to admit my child to your wonderful school: he is perfect.

[strangled yeeping sounds. scrabble. ahem.]

Dear admissions demigods, please wait while we select just the right spin for your answer. Your application is valued by us, and we appreciate your patience. A properly honed and polished response will be with you shortly. Thank you.

[wild hooting and chortles.]

My child - [no, wait, that sounds like only one of the two of us is invested in this school. FIND ALL: my REPLACE ALL: our.]

Our child is a bundle of joy and curiosity. He can solve complex mathematical challenges, unlock elaborately sealed containers or cabinets, julienne zucchini with the knife he's not supposed to be able to reach - [er. Not helping?]

Our child is curious, creative and innovative in his pursuit of a goal.  [oh, good grief.]

He can do anything, as long as he's tall enough to reach the buttons. He can remember everything he's ever heard, except the inconvenient bits, like "it's time to go." And he could probably save the world, so long as he gets the job wrapped up by nap time.  [whew.]

Explain why you think that our school is right for your child.

Because otherwise, we wouldn't write a check for the privilege of applying? [gah! No! check the snark at the door, people!]

He's currently undergoing extensive retrofitting in order to ensure compatibility. Child 3.1 will be available shortly, and coming (we hope) to a classroom near you!
[or not.]

inhale. exhale.

Oh, dear gah. The Toddles is going to kindergarten. But where? And how? 

1 comment:

auntie a said...

Oooh, good luck! And don't be in such a rush to upgrade to version 3.1...